To my PAPA

Growing up without a father was very hard. It has always something missing from my life. I would not understand the void that it left until I was an adult. Over the years, I have realized what a huge role it played in my life. I am happy to say that today, my dad and I have a good relationship. It is not the kind of relationship I would want but I am thankful that I can have a relationship with him. Experiencing a father’s love is something I missed out on. I have God’s love and I know that, but sometimes I just want to feel it here on Earth. I don’t think I ever really thought about it this way until I went into the Peace Corps.

LOVE!

One of the great things about the Peace Corps is that you get put with a host family. I was very lucky to be in Vanuatu because the families there really take in the Peace Corps volunteers. I had an amazing family. My Mama was great but I am used to being around great women. I mean a Great Woman raised me. So feeling that from my Mama felt natural. So this is about my Papa.

One of the first things I noticed about my Papa was his smile. It was one of those smiles that I will remember forever. I remember going to their house, which would become my house too. I was scared out of my mind. But something about his presence put me at ease. It just felt so natural. He made sure I was comfortable. He made sure I had everything I needed or wanted. He made sure I felt safe. It felt like home.

That CRAB!!!!!

Throughout my service there, my Papa took me in as his own. He taught me about faith and prayer. He taught me how to cook on a fire. He taught me how to chase and catch a crab. He taught me how to eat a fish with bones. He taught me how to drink Kava. He talked with me about everything. He prayed with me and for me. He showed me how to navigate the island and Port Vila. He showed me how to raise chickens and kill spiders. When I asked for a puppy, he bought me one. When he knew I needed to eat eggs for the protein, he went and bought layer chickens, so I could have eggs every day. I knew that if I needed anything, whether he was on the island or in Vila working, I could call him and he would be there. He showed me and I felt a Father’s love.

You are my light!

The most important thing that my Papa and my Mama taught me was the power of adoption. I know I am 33 years old, but being adopted into this family and experiencing something that I have never experienced healed me. It made my heart whole. A father’s love is something that all girls want and need. I believe it doesn’t have to come from blood. It comes from someone who chooses to love you because they can.

So to you Papa Luna~ Thank you for taking me in. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for caring me when I couldn’t walk. Thank you for Juju. Thank you for trusting me with your house. Thank you for making me a part of your family. Thank you for being a Man of God. Thank you for being the role model that I needed. Thank you for giving me something that I didn’t realize I needed. Thank you for loving me unconditionally.

I know we are many miles and oceans apart but you will always be in my heart. You will always be my inspiration. You will always be my PAPA!

Final Kava on the island!

Our favorite thing to do together!

I love you and Mama so much!

To my Brother

So I will be without internet for the next week, so I am posting this early. Friday, August 26th will be one year since I have lost my brother. This past year, I had to deal with his loss on my own. I have not talked much about it so I thought I would share my letter to him on this very special day.

To my brother CJ,

            It has been a year since I have received the phone call. It has been a year since God has called you home. It has been a year since you have been made whole. It has been a year since my outlook on life has changed dramatically.

            I pray and hope you know how much I love you. I remember carrying you around like a baby doll. I remember sliding down water slides at Adventure Island and riding roller coasters at Busch Gardens. I remember summers you spent with me in Tampa. I remember jumping on the bed with you in Arkansas. And my most favorite memory of you was when you were tearing up the dance floor at my wedding. You were so full of life and had SO MUCH energy. You were always willing to try different things and I bet I could get you to do anything. You lived life with no worries.

            This past year has been really hard mourning your life away from family. I am not even sure it has really hit me that you will not be there when I come home, but I have learned something in this past year. God has shown me that you and I are more alike than I thought we were. We both have had this void in our life. I believe it stems from this longing for a strong, loving father to love us and support us unconditionally. Unfortunately we did not have that, so instead we looked for that love in other things. I even believed for many years that I was not worthy of happiness. Even though we sought out different paths we had the same end result. Nothing can ever fulfill that love except for God. In this time, I have regretted not being the big sister that I wish I could have been. I know I pushed you away because I disagreed with how you dealt with things instead of letting you know I felt it too. It hurts me that we will never be able to have talks and cries together. I will never have the chance to hug you and love you on this Earth. You were hurting and I pushed you away. However, I have learned the value of understanding and loving people where they are and not expecting anything more. God has shown that He loves and understands me right where I am at. I need to be more loving towards people that I do not understand. This has brought me a newer appreciation for Christy and I love her even more now.

            When I returned to Vanuatu after your funeral, I had the hardest time adjusting. This caused me to have two anxiety attacks and ultimately brought me into Vila. I had to talk with a psychologist and was almost sent home because I could not keep it together. Then as I pursued God in the midst of my pain, I heard Him tell me “your time is not up in Vanuatu because this is where I am going to grow your faith in me.” The very next day, I made the decision to stay and live out this time for you. God knew that I would need this time for you and for myself. Living here has made me slow down and take life one day at a time. This time has shown me that my happiness lies in God and who God says I am. This time has shown me that God’s grace is sufficient for me and for everyone else. This time has shown me to love people because you do not know what anyone has been through.

            I am choosing to live this life with love and compassion for people and life. I am choosing happiness every day. I am choosing to live this life honoring you. You were taken at such a young age but you changed me and helped me to seek OUR heavenly Father. I thank you so much.

            I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss your millions of questions. I miss your voice. I miss your wildness. I miss your energy. I miss you.

I love you so much! You will always be in my heart. I will always talk about you and I know that you always have my back. 

I pray that I see you again!

Love your Sister!

            

Picking up CJ for a week!

So innocent! 

He loved being an Uncle. 

The three of us!

Just Chillin'

They are all together now in Heaven. 

Ready for anything!

Bumper Boats

He Loved Baseball!

So tiny!

Bumper Cars

Yep!

Love him!

Hanging out!

My wedding day!

The best!

My favorite picture!

New Ride!

He loved Lillian!

Christmas in Florida!

Love!

This is how I will always remember him!

            

Two months of Celebrations

The past two months have been busy with travel and celebrations. Returning from the states was harder than I expected, but I was super excited to see my fur animals, baby Shannon, and my family. I was only at site for about a week and half before I left for a mini trip with some volunteers. 

They put signs up around the school. 

Maxi enjoying American Cat food!

Love my view!

Someone missed me when I was in the states.

I went to Santo to visit Caroline, Cole, Hannah, and Jeffrey. At Caroline and Cole’s site, I helped them paint their sound wall at their school. At Hannah’s site, I helped her in her library. I love visiting their sites and seeing their passions come out in their work. Since I was there with Gabby, she was able to rent a car and we drove the coast on Santo to visit Jeffrey. His big project was this huge sports court. It was really cool to see in person. The best part of this trip was that I was able to spend my 33^rd birthday with some of my favorite people here. It was a great couple days and I am so thankful for the family and friends that I have made within Peace Corps.

Celebrating at Port Orly! 33

After a few days in Santo, a group of us traveled to the island of Pentecost. This island is home to a very rare custom. This island is known for Land Diving. That is right Land Diving. Many people ask me oh, so they jump off of a cliff into water. I say no it is Land Diving. They dive into the land. It was the craziest thing I have ever seen. Here is a little information we were able to gather while there.

Land Diving season is from April-June, which is Yam season. They do it during this season because they use the vine from the yams for Land Diving. Land Diving has been going on for many years. No one could give us a date. The story behind Land Diving is that a woman was cross with her husband and she wanted him dead. So she suggested that they both dive into the land. He agreed not knowing her plan. Her plan was to make is rope too long so that he would be killed on impact. However, her plan did not work because he survived. After this, women were the ones that would land dive. After a few times or a few years, men decided that it was not good for them because everyone could see their taboo area and that was not appropriate. So now it is a men’s sport. Today, women are not allowed to go anywhere near the structure or touch the vines. The night before then men jump, they are not allowed to sleep with their wives.

When we first got there, I thought it was going to be only men jumping but nope kids jump too. The youngest on the day we went was five. There are different levels and you have to jump from each level until you reach the top. Any man or boy can do it. They do the ceremonies every Saturday from April-June. The structure is rebuilt every year. They wear a custom nambe for this custom. The men and women who are there for support also wear custom clothing. It was one of the best experiences that I have had here in Vanuatu.

All six of us slept in this bungalow.

The structure for land diving.

Preparing the platform.

This five year old getting ready.

The supporters. 

The next day, we went and visited a beautiful waterfall and got to swim in it. It was freezing but so cool. I highly recommend anyone who visits Vanuatu to visit Pentecost. Plus their Kava was really strong!

After Pentecost, I returned to site and started to get back into the swing of things. We had an Australian couple with their kids come and visit and they brought a ton of things for the school. They were very sweet and really wanted to help the school and villages. They were great company as well. I also was able to buy their kids Kava and watch them drink it for the first time. I love sharing Kava with foreigners. It is such an important custom here in Vanuatu.

They Played sports with every class. 

Brought tons of books and read with the students. 

Had an art project for the kids. 

The staff with our new friends. 

On July 3^rd Baby Shannon was dedicated at church. They did the dedication at 5 o’clock in the morning, so I was not there. My principal said he didn’t want to wake because he knows I love to sleep. However, we did celebrate with a big lunch and Kava. This time, I got to experience chewed kava. So my principal was chewing kava and then spits it out to make the kava. I tried chewing it and it was disgusting. I couldn’t do it. So I drank kava that he chewed. It was the strongest kava I have ever had. After kava, I ate a very small lunch then had to go sleep for about 3 hours.

It was an experience. 

Next, we celebrated the USA Independence Day. I passed out the last pen pal letters to classes 3-7. They were very sad that this was their last letter. Then, class 4 made American Flags and learned about the stars, stripes, and colors of the flag. For lunch, I made Kraft Mac and Cheese and shared it with my counterpart. It was delicious. Thank you Gabby. Finally, I ended the night with watching Independence Day with my family in the village.

My counterpart with his awesome t-shirt of Fourth of July!

Eating and watching Independence Day!

Class 4 with their masterpieces. 

American lunch is served. 

She gave it a thumbs us!

Cole and Caroline’s parents came and visited my island. It was great to meet them and hang out. Plus I got a job for next summer.

I spent a week in Vila for mid service medical and had a table at the G28 reconnect resource fair. It was really fun to spend some time with the new group and got to share a room with Nicole. We went to the movies twice and ate a lot of pizza. I also saw Finding Dory with my two nieces.

Back at site, July 19^th is a special day because it was the day the missionaries came to Nguna in 1869. So we had a three-day celebration. Last year, all celebration was cancelled due to the aftermath of Cyclone Pam, so it was great to see the celebrations this year. There were food stalls, skits, singing, dancing, a reenactment of the missionaries coming, speeches, a march, and a ton of food. It was a great time and felt very lucky to be apart of this celebration.

Our march to the place where the Missionaries came. 

My counterpart is dressed for the re enactment. 

Juju is festive! 

The last celebration was the independence day of Vanuatu, which is the 30^th of July. This celebration was held in the last village Utanlang on Nguna, which is about a four-hour hike from my village. So luckily, I have this awesome island mate named Natalie who loves to hike and walk and convinced me to hike with her. So we set out on Thursday to her site, which is an hour hike from mine. Then on Friday, we walked the three hours. It was a beautiful hike. I got to see the other part of my island. The hike was not too bad and I hate to say it but I kind of enjoyed it. There is a Peace Corps Volunteer in this village. I have not had the chance to hang out with her, so this was a great opportunity. We were there for three days and had a blast. There was a ton of food, dancing, skits, singing, a fashion show, and a string band. We drank lots of Kava and tusker. It was really neat to see the whole island in one place. On the day of the celebration, we ate bullock that was the best meat I have ever had. It was great to be able to celebrate their 36^th independence.

The sunset on my Island. I don't get to see the sunset on my side. It was amazing.

This was for the big feast. Yep thats right two cows laying on the beach. 

This is what we got for lunch. It was amazing.

So now I am back at site and term 2 is ending next week. So kids are taking exams, teachers are marking exams, and I am helping out where I can. We are learning what is working and not working for the computer lab. The teachers are realizing that I only have one more term here, so we are planning on trainings and workshops that they want before I head out. I also have to start preparing for the new volunteer that will replace me. It is all surreal how fast this time is going. I am trying not to get overwhelmed with how fast it is all going but it is hard.

Here are a couple of random photos. 

Love the view!

She finally let me hold her. She has been scared of me for months. 

A workshop about food. 

As much as this experience has been so hard, it really has changed me and I can’t wait to see what happens these last 8 months.

Well that is all I have for now!

19 months in, 8 months left